So, lately, I really feel that God has been tell me to seek Him with my whole heart. Last night I read Jeremiah 29:11-13, and verse 13 really hit me in a way that it never really has before.
13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Wow. I really love that. But what does that mean? What does it mean to seek God with my whole heart?
I really want to know. Because I want to find God. I want to be so close to Him that I have no trouble giving Him everything. I don't want to fight for my way anymore. I want God to have control, because when my life feels out-of-control, is usually when I'm trying to control it.
Without You I'm running out of time,
To live,
Running out of love,
To give,
Running of life,
With in,
God Help me.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
From the Inside Out
A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame my heart and my soul,
Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame my heart and my soul,
Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Me and my weird interests...
So, for all of you that care to know, my latest interest is Irish folklore. Odd, I know...
I just love old legends...honestly, I love most of anything old fashioned...I love King Arthur stories and Shakespeare, and old fairy tales. Back when I was about 6 or 7, my favorite book was Saint George and the Dragon, and we own this really nice children's version with beautiful illustrations, and I would always ask my mom to read it to me, but it would come out as: "Mom, will you read Deda Dorge dede ded Dragon?" Yeaah, I couldn't say the title...but I loved the story :) To this day, I still have it, and I still read it occasionally.
Anywho, I love my book that I just bought at Barnes and Noble... Irish Faerie Tales.
"... I felt a peace steal over my soul, and yes, I felt the bruises in my heart. But to be bruised is to be human, to be coursing with blood. For bruises are caused by blood spilled under the skin. They are the tears that bleed inside..."
~Mary, Queen of Scots.
I just love old legends...honestly, I love most of anything old fashioned...I love King Arthur stories and Shakespeare, and old fairy tales. Back when I was about 6 or 7, my favorite book was Saint George and the Dragon, and we own this really nice children's version with beautiful illustrations, and I would always ask my mom to read it to me, but it would come out as: "Mom, will you read Deda Dorge dede ded Dragon?" Yeaah, I couldn't say the title...but I loved the story :) To this day, I still have it, and I still read it occasionally.
Anywho, I love my book that I just bought at Barnes and Noble... Irish Faerie Tales.
"... I felt a peace steal over my soul, and yes, I felt the bruises in my heart. But to be bruised is to be human, to be coursing with blood. For bruises are caused by blood spilled under the skin. They are the tears that bleed inside..."
~Mary, Queen of Scots.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
I am such a horrible blogger, I know!
Hey guys, sorry about not posting for awhile...its been kinda crazy in our neck of the woods, and I've been busy.
I found out something very disturbing this past Friday, and I am actually going to share it with you.
My best friend Kelsey came down to visit me...I haven't seen her in three years, so that was amazing. One of her best friends (lets just call her Mallory to respect her privacy) had a friend named Cassidy who killed herself in November of this past year. I've known this since the actual incident, and I knew that Mallory was having a really hard time dealing with this tragedy. Anyhow, Kelsey showed me the obituary. Ask I was reading, I got those chilling feelings...and I realized that I know/knew Cassidy. In the obituary, it mentioned that she did dance at a school where I did dance for four years, and then I looked at her picture, and I realized that we took a class together.
Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't close with her or anything like that...but the fact that I knew her...I don't know why...but its just...mind blowing? I can't imagine why she would do something like that...or why anyone would... I can understand not wanting to exist, but to really end your own life...
This just really is blowing my mind.
I found out something very disturbing this past Friday, and I am actually going to share it with you.
My best friend Kelsey came down to visit me...I haven't seen her in three years, so that was amazing. One of her best friends (lets just call her Mallory to respect her privacy) had a friend named Cassidy who killed herself in November of this past year. I've known this since the actual incident, and I knew that Mallory was having a really hard time dealing with this tragedy. Anyhow, Kelsey showed me the obituary. Ask I was reading, I got those chilling feelings...and I realized that I know/knew Cassidy. In the obituary, it mentioned that she did dance at a school where I did dance for four years, and then I looked at her picture, and I realized that we took a class together.
Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't close with her or anything like that...but the fact that I knew her...I don't know why...but its just...mind blowing? I can't imagine why she would do something like that...or why anyone would... I can understand not wanting to exist, but to really end your own life...
This just really is blowing my mind.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Love Story: Is it possible?
We have all seen the movies where a girl looks at a guy (or vice versa) and suddenly, the music starts playing, and they both look at each other with a sudden realization: they both know, just know, that that person is their "forever and always." They fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. And then the end credits roll around and we're jolted back to reality, where, in the real world, it doesn't happen like that.
I have had several people ask me, "Why don't you date?" and I never really had an answer, (except for the fact that my parents would have my head on a platter) until just the other day I realized that I'm glad I don't date. Do you want to know why?
I see so many girls, (my friends included) date real jerks. They watch Cinderella, and see Prince Charming, and then think, "That's not how it is in the real world. " and are jolted back to reality. They settle for less than they deserve. They have these high expectations, and yet they don't expect anyone to meet them. So they settle for the scum of the earth (Just kidding!) and go through a lot of emotional, spiritual, and physical junk, that they could've avoided if they had just stuck to their ideals. It really does break my heart, because I don't believe God intended it to be that way.
So I'll put it this way: I'm waiting for my Prince Charming. I may or may not know him already, but I have decided to commit to this. Two things that really motivated me to do this is several examples they showed us in my youth group.
One thing you do is take two separate pieces of paper, and glue them together. After the glue had dried, you rip the pieces of paper apart, separating them from each other. After doing this, the paper is hardly perfect. It is torn, has holes in it, and has pieces of the other paper stuck to it. This is what happens to your heart, when you give it away freely. You don't get the whole thing back.
Another this you can do, is take another piece of paper, and cut of a quarter-sized piece for everything that owns, or has owned your heart. (Guys, sports...the list goes on and on--family and friends don't count) What are you left with?
I know those above examples are pretty depressing, but the good news is, you can give your broken, and battered heart back to God. He will mend it...its what He does best.
And next time, try not to give your heart away to something that may not last.
Girls, wait for your Knight in Shining Armor. But until then, stick with Jesus. He'll take your heart, but he won't break it, (and he is the only guy that I can promise you won't do that) he'll mold into something beautiful.
I have had several people ask me, "Why don't you date?" and I never really had an answer, (except for the fact that my parents would have my head on a platter) until just the other day I realized that I'm glad I don't date. Do you want to know why?
I see so many girls, (my friends included) date real jerks. They watch Cinderella, and see Prince Charming, and then think, "That's not how it is in the real world. " and are jolted back to reality. They settle for less than they deserve. They have these high expectations, and yet they don't expect anyone to meet them. So they settle for the scum of the earth (Just kidding!) and go through a lot of emotional, spiritual, and physical junk, that they could've avoided if they had just stuck to their ideals. It really does break my heart, because I don't believe God intended it to be that way.
So I'll put it this way: I'm waiting for my Prince Charming. I may or may not know him already, but I have decided to commit to this. Two things that really motivated me to do this is several examples they showed us in my youth group.
One thing you do is take two separate pieces of paper, and glue them together. After the glue had dried, you rip the pieces of paper apart, separating them from each other. After doing this, the paper is hardly perfect. It is torn, has holes in it, and has pieces of the other paper stuck to it. This is what happens to your heart, when you give it away freely. You don't get the whole thing back.
Another this you can do, is take another piece of paper, and cut of a quarter-sized piece for everything that owns, or has owned your heart. (Guys, sports...the list goes on and on--family and friends don't count) What are you left with?
I know those above examples are pretty depressing, but the good news is, you can give your broken, and battered heart back to God. He will mend it...its what He does best.
And next time, try not to give your heart away to something that may not last.
Girls, wait for your Knight in Shining Armor. But until then, stick with Jesus. He'll take your heart, but he won't break it, (and he is the only guy that I can promise you won't do that) he'll mold into something beautiful.
Friday, January 16, 2009
*Sigh*
Am I the only one who is glad that it's the end of the week? Man, it has been a long one, for me at least. Mid-term studying panic, school, school, school, and more school. Did I forget to mention that I'm tired?
I am tired both spiritually and physically. Its hard to explain, but I sort of feel like God is hitting me, (or flooring me) with tons of stuff at once. Which has been cool in a way, because I am seeing His hand in a lot of stuff, but at the same time, I feel like yelling, "Okay, stop! Enough for now! Its all I can handle!" which I know is a complete contradiction of Scripture, but, hey, its how I feel. I was reading a devotional book the other day, and in it was a conversation that went something like this:
"Urgh! I can't take all of this junk!"
"Maybe God wants you on your knees."
"I've been there for the past two weeks."
"Maybe He doesn't want you to get up yet."
Ouch. I think I needed that.
And then yesturday, I was talking to my friend Ileana, and she was telling me how her friend said to her, "Honestly, we don't have any right to expect big things from God if we don't pray big."
Double ouch.
I am tired both spiritually and physically. Its hard to explain, but I sort of feel like God is hitting me, (or flooring me) with tons of stuff at once. Which has been cool in a way, because I am seeing His hand in a lot of stuff, but at the same time, I feel like yelling, "Okay, stop! Enough for now! Its all I can handle!" which I know is a complete contradiction of Scripture, but, hey, its how I feel. I was reading a devotional book the other day, and in it was a conversation that went something like this:
"Urgh! I can't take all of this junk!"
"Maybe God wants you on your knees."
"I've been there for the past two weeks."
"Maybe He doesn't want you to get up yet."
Ouch. I think I needed that.
And then yesturday, I was talking to my friend Ileana, and she was telling me how her friend said to her, "Honestly, we don't have any right to expect big things from God if we don't pray big."
Double ouch.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
An untitled poem of mine...
Here is a poem I wrote last summer...I was going through a rough time...and this is basically how I felt at that time.
Running around in the imprints of my DNA,
Following Your evaporating traces,
Swimming in circles of multi-color;
You are hidden in plain sight.
I can feel You on my fingertips,
But as I reach for Your glory,
My grasp weakens and my strength fails,
And I fall down into myself, fading slowly.
Only You can save me now,
Because my weakness is overpowering,
And I am slowly suffocating, gasping for air.
Running around in the imprints of my DNA,
Following Your evaporating traces,
Swimming in circles of multi-color;
You are hidden in plain sight.
I can feel You on my fingertips,
But as I reach for Your glory,
My grasp weakens and my strength fails,
And I fall down into myself, fading slowly.
Only You can save me now,
Because my weakness is overpowering,
And I am slowly suffocating, gasping for air.
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