here we go again...

For those of you who know me, I enjoy poetry, and I like to pretend that I can write it, but I rarely come out with a good one. But I wrote one for the first time in too long, so I thought I'd share it with you! =)


Shattered dreams lie in broken disarray,
the vibrance of love has been dulled to a weary grey.
She is looking for someone to wipe away her tears,
But there is nothing but silence, it has been for years.
Her crown is gone; she has been robbed
Of her innocence and worth, while she sat there and sobbed.
She was deceived by beautiful lies,
Who was deceptive and deaf to her wrenching cries.
She simply sits there, day after day,
With nothing to do, and nothing to say.
She is one of many nameless faces,
Whose hearts were stolen in secret places.
She is sick of dreaming tired dreams,
And wants to hear more than a silent scream.
She is looking for something, something new,
Maybe, just maybe, she is looking for you.
She is waiting for something, something new,
Maybe just maybe, she is waiting for you.

...

So lately, I've been digging the Saint Francis quotes. Weird I know, but I wanted to share with ya'll some of mi favorito!

"Preach the Gospel at all times, and when neccessary, use words."

“Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.”

“Lord, make me an instrument of your peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy.”

A really great prayer...

Here is a prayer that I love, and try to use. My friend Amy sent it to me, and I wanted to share it with you guys!




"Lord God, your Word declares that if I delight myself in you—if I enjoy and seek your pleasure above mine—you'll give me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4). Desiring a husband is neither evil nor selfish because marriage is honorable (Hebrews 13:4). At the beginning of creation, you proclaimed, "It is not good that man should be alone" and then you created Eve to be a suitable partner for Adam (Genesis 2:18). In the name of Jesus, I ask that you would protect the husband—a suitable partner—you have chosen for me. Because the covenant of marriage is sacred (Mark 10:9), I ask for a man of God. Please give me a husband whose love for me is only outmatched by his love for you; a man who will cherish me and build me up (Proverbs 31:28); a man who will honor me (I Peter 3:7) and our marriage vows; a man who will be a good father and provider; a man whom I will be attracted to physically, emotionally, and spiritually; a man who will love me as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). Keep me from attaching myself to another man out of desperation. I will not settle for a relationship that's second best, convenient, or one that feeds my insecurities. Guard my purity and give me the patience to wait. And when I meet him, confirm to me that he is the one. Release from me the baggage of past relationships, and prepare me for the man You have chosen to be my husband. Free me from any hindrances to a healthy and godly marriage: insecurities, habitual sins, selfishness, and emotional hurts. Dispel my unrealistic expectations that set me up for disappointment. I place my trust in you rather than my partner. In this period of waiting, I will look to you alone to be my companion and best friend. You are the one who redeems my life from the pit, who crowns me with love and compassion, who satisfies my desires with good things (Psalm 103:4-5). I will not be anxious, but as I present my requests to you, flood me with the peace that surpasses all understanding so my heart and my mind are guarded in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6,7). In this request, I commit myself to trust you and do good, to dwell in the land and feed on your faithfulness. I commit my way to you and trust that you will bring it to pass (Psalm 37:35).Amen"
(author unknown)

Clearly Contrasted Callings:

Below is a part of a great book called Battle Cry For MY Generation...you guys should really read it. Its about standing up and being a warrior for Christ 24-7.

A club Member...
~Pursues a common interest.
~Consumes some free time.
~Passes the time to make the day fun.
~Considers preparation as optional to staying involved
~Finds courage not neccessary.

A soldier...
~Pursues a common mission
~Dedicates a whole life
~Gathers fellow warriors
~Seizes the day to make the battle count
~Considers preparation as crucial to staying alive
~ Finds courage indispensable.


"Living for Christ was never meant to be a partway thing. It is a radical, life changing decision to the controls of your life over to God---forever."

"We're facing a battle as equally terrifying as the Allies faced on D-Day. This battle however, is spiritual...they knew the actions they were planning were dangerous, but they also knew that the greatest risk was doing nothing."

Remember: real lives are waiting on the other side of YOUR obedience.

I want your opinions...

Okay, so I want your opinions on this.
This year for Lent, I committed to doing the 40 Days of Water Challenge...meaning, no juice, coffee *sobs* no Starbucks...only water (don't worry, we eat too!) I am just not supposed to drink anything but water for 40 days. But then my cousin pointed out that I don't eat very many fruits and veggies, and my main source of Vitamin C comes from my twice-daily cup of grapefruit juice. But she was worried that I might get sick because I am not drinking any juices...so I want to hear what you guys think. Should I break the fast for health reasons, or should I stick it out?

Something my history teacher posted...that I loved :)

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

So, lately, I really feel that God has been tell me to seek Him with my whole heart. Last night I read Jeremiah 29:11-13, and verse 13 really hit me in a way that it never really has before.

13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Wow. I really love that. But what does that mean? What does it mean to seek God with my whole heart?
I really want to know. Because I want to find God. I want to be so close to Him that I have no trouble giving Him everything. I don't want to fight for my way anymore. I want God to have control, because when my life feels out-of-control, is usually when I'm trying to control it.



Without You I'm running out of time,
To live,
Running out of love,
To give,
Running of life,
With in,
God Help me.

From the Inside Out

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame my heart and my soul,
Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out

Me and my weird interests...

So, for all of you that care to know, my latest interest is Irish folklore. Odd, I know...
I just love old legends...honestly, I love most of anything old fashioned...I love King Arthur stories and Shakespeare, and old fairy tales. Back when I was about 6 or 7, my favorite book was Saint George and the Dragon, and we own this really nice children's version with beautiful illustrations, and I would always ask my mom to read it to me, but it would come out as: "Mom, will you read Deda Dorge dede ded Dragon?" Yeaah, I couldn't say the title...but I loved the story :) To this day, I still have it, and I still read it occasionally.
Anywho, I love my book that I just bought at Barnes and Noble... Irish Faerie Tales.


"... I felt a peace steal over my soul, and yes, I felt the bruises in my heart. But to be bruised is to be human, to be coursing with blood. For bruises are caused by blood spilled under the skin. They are the tears that bleed inside..."
~Mary, Queen of Scots.

I am such a horrible blogger, I know!

Hey guys, sorry about not posting for awhile...its been kinda crazy in our neck of the woods, and I've been busy.

I found out something very disturbing this past Friday, and I am actually going to share it with you.

My best friend Kelsey came down to visit me...I haven't seen her in three years, so that was amazing. One of her best friends (lets just call her Mallory to respect her privacy) had a friend named Cassidy who killed herself in November of this past year. I've known this since the actual incident, and I knew that Mallory was having a really hard time dealing with this tragedy. Anyhow, Kelsey showed me the obituary. Ask I was reading, I got those chilling feelings...and I realized that I know/knew Cassidy. In the obituary, it mentioned that she did dance at a school where I did dance for four years, and then I looked at her picture, and I realized that we took a class together.
Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't close with her or anything like that...but the fact that I knew her...I don't know why...but its just...mind blowing? I can't imagine why she would do something like that...or why anyone would... I can understand not wanting to exist, but to really end your own life...
This just really is blowing my mind.

Love Story: Is it possible?

We have all seen the movies where a girl looks at a guy (or vice versa) and suddenly, the music starts playing, and they both look at each other with a sudden realization: they both know, just know, that that person is their "forever and always." They fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. And then the end credits roll around and we're jolted back to reality, where, in the real world, it doesn't happen like that.

I have had several people ask me, "Why don't you date?" and I never really had an answer, (except for the fact that my parents would have my head on a platter) until just the other day I realized that I'm glad I don't date. Do you want to know why?

I see so many girls, (my friends included) date real jerks. They watch Cinderella, and see Prince Charming, and then think, "That's not how it is in the real world. " and are jolted back to reality. They settle for less than they deserve. They have these high expectations, and yet they don't expect anyone to meet them. So they settle for the scum of the earth (Just kidding!) and go through a lot of emotional, spiritual, and physical junk, that they could've avoided if they had just stuck to their ideals. It really does break my heart, because I don't believe God intended it to be that way.

So I'll put it this way: I'm waiting for my Prince Charming. I may or may not know him already, but I have decided to commit to this. Two things that really motivated me to do this is several examples they showed us in my youth group.

One thing you do is take two separate pieces of paper, and glue them together. After the glue had dried, you rip the pieces of paper apart, separating them from each other. After doing this, the paper is hardly perfect. It is torn, has holes in it, and has pieces of the other paper stuck to it. This is what happens to your heart, when you give it away freely. You don't get the whole thing back.

Another this you can do, is take another piece of paper, and cut of a quarter-sized piece for everything that owns, or has owned your heart. (Guys, sports...the list goes on and on--family and friends don't count) What are you left with?

I know those above examples are pretty depressing, but the good news is, you can give your broken, and battered heart back to God. He will mend it...its what He does best.

And next time, try not to give your heart away to something that may not last.
Girls, wait for your Knight in Shining Armor. But until then, stick with Jesus. He'll take your heart, but he won't break it, (and he is the only guy that I can promise you won't do that) he'll mold into something beautiful.

*Sigh*

Am I the only one who is glad that it's the end of the week? Man, it has been a long one, for me at least. Mid-term studying panic, school, school, school, and more school. Did I forget to mention that I'm tired?
I am tired both spiritually and physically. Its hard to explain, but I sort of feel like God is hitting me, (or flooring me) with tons of stuff at once. Which has been cool in a way, because I am seeing His hand in a lot of stuff, but at the same time, I feel like yelling, "Okay, stop! Enough for now! Its all I can handle!" which I know is a complete contradiction of Scripture, but, hey, its how I feel. I was reading a devotional book the other day, and in it was a conversation that went something like this:
"Urgh! I can't take all of this junk!"
"Maybe God wants you on your knees."
"I've been there for the past two weeks."
"Maybe He doesn't want you to get up yet."

Ouch. I think I needed that.
And then yesturday, I was talking to my friend Ileana, and she was telling me how her friend said to her, "Honestly, we don't have any right to expect big things from God if we don't pray big."
Double ouch.

An untitled poem of mine...

Here is a poem I wrote last summer...I was going through a rough time...and this is basically how I felt at that time.




Running around in the imprints of my DNA,
Following Your evaporating traces,
Swimming in circles of multi-color;
You are hidden in plain sight.
I can feel You on my fingertips,
But as I reach for Your glory,
My grasp weakens and my strength fails,
And I fall down into myself, fading slowly.
Only You can save me now,
Because my weakness is overpowering,
And I am slowly suffocating, gasping for air.